i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
