ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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