All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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