all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
