why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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