Nicole vs. Life
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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