return my video game
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize