Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
