Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
