Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
