miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
