I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
worst night to have a conscience
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
