he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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