so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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