awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
