dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
wanna go halves on a baby?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
