drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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