i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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