we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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