There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
