Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
