i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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