im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
