you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
