I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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