Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
