my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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