he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
