You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize