You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We had sex on a dog bed..
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
