Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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