There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
