Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Drunk is not a location!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
