First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
