apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
