Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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