shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
