So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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