Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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