I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
