my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
