You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
