shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
