She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
