You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize