I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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