I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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