we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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