we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
