Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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