remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize