if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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