susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Less talking, more tequila
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
