the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
