There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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