Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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