So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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