Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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