I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
