I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
