Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Of course I have a pirate flag
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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