On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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