My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
