I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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