What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
