He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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