if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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