i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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