just come out here and I will go home with you...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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