My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
