i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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