dude i'm inner monologue high
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
