Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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